When Your Spouse is Grouchy

If your spouse is grumpy, this is your opportunity to love and serve them when it's not easy and honor God. Here are some tips/reminders:

1. Focus on your God-given role: Remember that we work to please the Lord. Your spouse is God's child, so honor Him by loving on them. It's not your place to try to put them in their place -- that's God's job. It's your job to obey the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and serve them, as Christ does the Church. Wives, submit to and respect your husbands, as unto the Lord. Even the coldest people have a hard time staying nasty to someone who loves and serves them not retaliating when insulted. At this time we always issue a reminder to those who suffer abuse -- you need to get help -- God does not call us to endure abuse (physical, sexual, emotional, or verbal) -- you likely need to get away. Seek help from your church or others.

2. Jesus, and the person of the Holy Spirit, is your supply: When your spouse gives you the cold shoulder, it is normal to feel down. But don't let them drag you down. Your strength and supply is from God. Are you leaning on Him, or are you leaning on your spouse? They might push you away, but don't get hurt and slink away. Keep your cheery disposition because your true joy is not dependent on their mood, but rather on the goodness of God. Use your blues as a notice that you have drifted from being fully rooted in God ("let nothing move you"). Husbands, be the rock that your wife needs because you yourself are rooted in the ultimate Rock. Wives, be blameless and innocent, looking to Jesus, and let the Holy Spirit convict your husband.

3. Be faithful: The faithful servant and warrior keeps at their job when the going gets tough. If your spouse is not making it easy for you, get your strength from God and strive to keep a good attitude and be loving, kind, patient, and understanding. God sees all and He will reward you if you do right. This life is temporary; labor while on Earth, and reap His rewards for eternity. When you're running dry (probably faster than normal because your spouse can be draining), run to the Rock. Prayer, the Word, the brothers or sisters -- all are needed to build you up in Christ. Your mission is based primarily at home at this time.

Now finally,

4. Why are they grumpy? It could be for no good reason, but it could very well be because of something you did or said, or how they are responding to it, or how they feel about it. In short, they could be hurt. So gird up your loins, and pray and make some effort to understand why they are upset (they probably won't tell you clearly). When it finally hits you, affirm their feelings, acknowledge your role and apologize if appropriate or say how you will change x,y, or z. Husbands, then build up your wife by reminding her of your love and faithfulness and how she is the number one lady in your life. Wives, be the fruitful vine that is the backbone of the household and watch your family flourish.

If you can't find a good solution to number 4, just stay in number 3 (be faithful) until God changes things or gives you insight.